Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were trust falling into bushes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
