I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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