She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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