Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
