What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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