Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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