You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
