so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hippo gnu deer
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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