you guys were way drunker than both of me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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