Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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