just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
