there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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