we have pet lesbian snakes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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