Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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