If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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