And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
