pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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