9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
