I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
