hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
