her vagine was all disorganized.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
