im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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