lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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