Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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