Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
