dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
