I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
