keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize