it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
