they need to just BURY HIM!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize