Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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