the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
