Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
