Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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