it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize