i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
