you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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