Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize