I heard we made out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
