nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
