tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
