he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
