i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize