maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
