Pappa wants mamma naked
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
