if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
