dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
