What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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