Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
