I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize