your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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