If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
