I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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