She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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