I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
