You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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