dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
