y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
