omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
