She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
