So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
