Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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