my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
