O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
