my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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