Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
