he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
