I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
