Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
