i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
