i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
