you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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