Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
