and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize