I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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