I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize