He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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