Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
