There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
