Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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