i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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