I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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