ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
