These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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