So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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