You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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