hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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