Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
