can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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