It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
