my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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