Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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