please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
