my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
there is puke in my bra ... again
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