New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
