There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
