her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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