so that wasnt chicken after all
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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