I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
