Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
