i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
